It’s Amber’s birthday, the resident Sagittarius. Happy birthday Amber!
This tribute to Amber started with Kelly telling us that those born under the Sagittarius sign are natural wanderers. Kelly says this doesn’t apply to Amber. She never wanders. But Amber herself disagrees. “I am a wanderer,” she says, “But a responsible wanderer.”
I quickly realized how wandering this blog was going to get.
But we forged ahead, in honor of our birthday girl.
The girls read that the Sagittarius is the most peaceful and loving of all the fire signs. This brought them to a round of “This girl is on fire,” but then they got back to business. They read on that Amber is supposed to be generous and idealistic, with a great sense of humor: An enthusiastic extrovert, constantly in touch with the world and possessing an intense curiosity.
Amber was sold. She does have a wandering soul, she says.
“I look at what makes sense at the moment,” she says. “And I’m okay if that changes.”
And if someone told her to jump off a cliff, she would. In fact, she did, she says.
She never got to that story, because this wandering girl veered the subject to one of her latest adventures. A married mom in the suburbs, she followed her intense curiosity on a quest for the most comfortable panties, only available at Sam’s Club.
There she was: Constantly in touch with the world… of intimate apparel at a membership-only retail warehouse. On a mission to buy panties and only panties, she found her size and threw them in the cart, not realizing that the panty packaging looked oddly like a best-selling hardcover. So, extroverted and enthusiastic, she was quick to answer when a passing associate asked her if it was any good. “Hell, yes!” she told him. “Get yourself some today!”
Well, that’s not entirely true. But she is a fan of her Sam’s Club panties.
And this wandering Sagittarius is idealistic with a big heart. Even in travels to Sam’s Club, even in bulk underwear. This girl is on fire.
Which is why Kelly’s been a big fan since they met at Kelly’s former salon in 2006. “I don’t know what I’d be doing today if Amber hadn’t come into my life,” she says.
Aw, it was a sweet moment and I could see how close all three of these ladies are in friendship, respect, partnership, and intense curiosity.
In this case, it was the curiosity of what they wanted for Christmas, and thus they wandered…
Kelly wants a new diamond. Melissa wants a robot vacuum cleaner. “But they’re a million dollars,” she sighs. NO THEY’RE NOT, MELISSA. They’re like $200. You can get them on Amazon, they implore.
Oh, but birthday girl is on to something: She wants a handheld steamer to clean the shower. “You can just use a clothes steamer,” they tell her. “No, it has to be a cleaner steamer,” Amber says. Like we said, she’s idealistic.
What do you want?
So this topic led to a natural wandering to Cyber Monday, and the amazing items available online at Nixon and Company. Kelly says, stay on your couch and check out these incredible styles – and take up to 40% off!
Wait, that was last week’s blog. Or the week before that.
This week, we’re talking about Thanksgiving: How to enjoy it, and how to survive it.
“Like we said,” the girls told me. “Drink wine.”
But we have to elaborate, and you can’t just keep pushing your alcoholic ways, I said, as I reached for my glass.
So the ladies put on their turkey hats and got serious. What’s to say about this holiday that is approaching one week sooner than it should? And how can our readers get in front of this day and make it great? They offered three ways. (They said threeways, not three-ways. Geez!)
Get a tradition.
At Kelly’s house they start every Thanksgiving with a neighborhood game of touch football. The mere thought of this made me want to lose my gravy, but she swore by it. “It’s so much fun!” she said. I couldn’t tell if she was kidding.
Another tradition they have is the annual tablecloth creation and presentation. Every year, she finds her fabric markers (she’s crafty, I’ll tell you) and encourages her guests to write on the cloth what they’re grateful for. Then, each year, she pulls out the last year’s tablecloth and they lament last year’s joys – over wine.
This left the others struggling. Did they have any traditions? Did they do anything special? Did they just suck? Amber offered up a holiday gift tradition she and her daughter do for Christmas, but when it came to Thanksgiving, she brought nothing to the table.
Did Melissa have any traditions? Honestly, she is still thinking about it. (See last week’s blog.)
Get out of your comfort zone.
Does your stuffing have too much stuff in it? Are there foods you won’t eat? Turkey Trots you won’t run? Friends and family you won’t break bread with?
If so, another idea is to give thanks for the opportunity and just say yes. Try that nasty stuffing. Sign up for that crazy Turkey Challenge, and extend your table to all who are hungry.
Leave your crustiness for the Thanksgiving pies, and get out of your comfort zone. Amber knows. She’ll said she’ll eat the stuffing and whatever else is out there, including the turkey gizzards.
“I don’t discriminate,” she said. “Because of the vitamins.”
Screw Black Friday.
Another way to celebrate Thanksgiving? Take a pass on Black Friday.
I almost lost the girls here, when Amber started reminiscing about one of the times she went out on Black Friday. Apparently, she was so determined to buy a trampoline, she literally sat down on it and refused to get up.
“Wow,” the girls exclaimed! “Was this when you were a kid?” they asked in all sincerity.
“No,” she replied. “It was just a few years ago.”
Ah. Where’s that wine?
Anyway, back to the subject, the girls agreed Black Friday is just not worth it.
Kelly asked: Have you ever gotten a deal so good it was worth getting out of your PJs?
And Melissa asked: Why is it called Black Friday?
Shop Cyber Monday
A better option, they said: Drink and relax all weekend, and then sit on your couch and shop on Cyber Monday.
Finally, at the end of day, Thanksgiving is next week. We encourage you to enjoy it and survive it. With gratitude. We ourselves are counting our blessings. And our wine bottles. Cheers and Happy Thanksgiving!
This blog is in honor of Melissa, whose birthday is November 12, and who is turning 30, or 34, or 40, and who is a Scorpio. Or is she?
It turns out, she is, but she isn’t. We’ll get to that later. First: The girls dug deep into all that makes Melissa, Melissa. And in celebration of World Kindness Day, which is also November 12, they were kind enough to share it. So, here we go.
Puns, puns, puns
This is where the title of this blog came from. Melissa loves her puns. As she says, they’re witty commentary! To which Kelly reminds her: But they’re not witty.
I personally think they are, but then again, my humor is questionable. And Melissa is pun-stoppable. We love her for her cheesy sayings and her desire to explain jokes to people who don’t “get it.”
Which reminds me: Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Now that’s funny. And only Melissa is laughing.
I soon learned that bad jokes are the only thing that Melissa arrives at and shares quickly. It seems Melissa is a bit of an overthinker. The girls say, when introduced to a dilemma, an opportunity, a challenge, or even a menu, Melissa contemplates every detail and thinks through every possible outcome. Was this obsessive or an amazing attention to detail? They weren’t sure. But regardless, they told me, when given a “yes or no” question, Melissa’s a definite maybe.
I looked to the birthday girl to see what she thought of this assessment. Turns out, she’s still considering it.
But she promised me this: “I’m not overthinking the fact that I’m 30.”
A not-so-Scorpio Scorpio
At this point, the girls pulled up their phones, in the spirit of kindness, to figure out if Melissa is truly a Scorpio (and perhaps whether all Scorpios told bad jokes and overthought.) Here are their findings:
Scorpios are known for being mysterious. Is Melissa mysterious? Only when it comes to what she’s thinking.
Scorpios are also passionate and protective, and value relationships built on trust. Is this Melissa? Yeah, sure, why not? Sip.
Scorpios are loyal. Here, we were on to something. This is where Melissa finally showed her Scorpio pinchers. Yes, she’s loyal. She’s loyal to the veterans, not only for their service, but because Veterans’ Day coincides with her birthday.
She’s loyal to the state of Wyoming, still insisting she’s a Wyoming Native even though she was only born on an Air Force Base there and moved to Denver as a baby.
She’s loyal to her friends, even though they don’t appreciate her jokes.
But she is loyal, said Kelly. “Like a dog.” Specifically a lab. Because she sheds.
So, Melissa may or may not be a true Scorpio. But she is funny and she is an overthinker. Plus she cuts a mean head of hair. Come in and say hi to this great lady. Maybe you can figure out her real age. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with a question in honor of the birthday girl:
Think “adulting” is an actual thing, and not just, well, a way of living.
This is because I’m quickly approaching 50. I’m tired. I’m practical. And I’m grateful, because I “can’t even” think of having to work this hard. And if you’re like me, we probably should hang out.
Like at the Nixon & Company “Old and Bold” Event!
Join us Thursday, November 1, for a special night of celebration for women in their 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond.
This is an event exclusively for mature women, who are too old to care, but too young to stop. So if you’ve lost your husband, soul mate, patience, or mind, you’ll want to be there.
But let us cut to the chase (that’s important at our age)
If your kids are in elementary school, this event is not for you.
If you hear “pamper” and think diapers – and not wine – you’re too young
If you’re coloring your hair to have fun, and not to cover gray, we don’t need your kind.
Instead, this is for you lovely ladies in your flirty 50s, sexy 60s, or sophisticated 70s, or for those already knocking on death’s door.
There will be apps and wine, shopping, beauty tips, Botox, apps, wine, shopping, Botox, good company, apps, and wine. Well, you get it.
There will also be real conversations that don’t involve Instagram, “Merica,” polyamorous relationships, or debate about who we identify as.
It’s a party for your people. People who understand rotary phones, busy signals, drinking from the hose, and manual transmissions. People who…
Pass by the neighborhood pool and think, “Oh thank God, I don’t have to go there.”
Flip consistently between Sirius Hits 1 and the 70s station.
Turn down the music in order to drive better.
Avoid having sex on top because of the view from the bottom.
Anyway, it’s a party for people who are shocked that Rose on the “Golden Girls” was only supposed to be 55! I know, right? I’m not lying – I get all my information from Yahoo Answers.
Join us in recognizing that old folks are old, but young folks are exhausting. Come make new friends, reconnect with old friends, or (who are we kidding) meet new old friends. Bring your maturity and your pragmatism. Sip wine. Sigh deep. Put up your feet and discuss the 80s, when life was good. We’ll see you there. But remember: We check IDs.
Oh wait. They actually said, “Go ahead with the next one. It’s Make a Difference Day.” Details! Why do they give me wine? Anyway. The girls let me know that October 27 is National Make a Difference Day, and it’s actually not a movie reference. It’s a day to make a difference.
I learned this holiday is legit! It was created by USA Weekend Magazine and now it’s primarily sponsored by USA Today. And if there’s anyone you can trust, it’s the media!
So, we’re on it, damn it.
It wasn’t a big stretch. As you may know, the girls are all about philanthropy and making a difference. Kelly is an active advocate for Facing Homelessness Denver. And Amber, Melissa, and Kelly just participated in Shear Impact, donating their time and talent to provide haircuts to the homeless. Here they are after a day of styling. The prettiest difference-makers you’ve ever seen!
So yes, a celebration like this is right up their alley, and they were quick to think of all the ways to make a difference. Experts say the only limit to the day is our imaginations. The wine poured and the girls got to thinking.
Just say yes. Their first idea to celebrate this day was just to nod and say okay. No, seriously. Nod and say okay. That’s the idea. Many people think philanthropy means you have to run a 5k. Or organize a food drive. Or collect money door to door. But all you really have to do to make a difference is open your heart. And your wallet. Try this: Nod yes to everything and pull out your credit card.
That young boy down the street who’s raising funds to deliver eye care to the children of Guatemala? Hell yes, sign me up!
That Pampered Chef sales girl who’s donating proceeds from every 9-by-11 baker? Heck yeah!
That adorable young girl who’s rehoming and rehabilitating dogs and cats from high-kill shelters for her birthday? Bring it on! Seriously, bring it on. This is Melissa’s daughter, and she’s awesome. Donate here.
Pay it forward. Of course, for more ideas, the girls noted the popular charitable gesture at the Starbucks drive-through – to pay for the order of the person behind you. That’s good stuff.
“But you know what would really help?” Kelly asked. “If someone did that at the bank.”
True, very true, the girls said. Sip.
Answer your door. Here’s another way to make a difference: Instead of hiding behind your couch when the doorbell rings, open the door. If it’s that cute little kid selling butter braids — or the prickly teen hawking the discount shopping cards — Pay up. Remember, this is not about buying gift-wrap or a Yankee candle. It’s about reaffirming faith in humanity and teaching values of generosity and community to the next generation. You can make a difference just by making out your check.
But save your receipts. I bought popcorn from a boy scout back in August. Where the hell is my bloody tin?
Practice simple acts of kindness.
Finally, to make a difference, remember that everyday actions can change lives.
Get yourself this amazing tassel bead bracelet. It’s vibrant and fun — and made by women artisans in India who are working to improving their lives through fair trade.
Other things you can do: Smile at a stranger. Pass on a compliment. Meditate to avoid road rage. Or invite someone over for popcorn. Damn it, where is that boy scout?
Anyway, you get the picture. To make a difference, we are only limited by our imagination, and any way we can think of to make the world a better place is worth doing.
Because why do we have to complicate things? Just do something nice. Go ahead, make my day.
But, in case you don’t spend all your time on parenting blogs, what we mean by DD is Dear Daughter, and we’re inviting both of you to our annual Mother Daughter Gathering at the salon. Here’s why you’ll want to grab your daughter by the attitude, and get to this fun night, Monday, October 15th, 2018.
Because we’ll teach you all the cool stuff they show on Pinterest
That fancy braid that your daughter insists every mom except you knows how to do… those loose beachy curls you see on Facebook videos… how to apply eyeliner without looking like a prostitute. At Nixon and Company, we have the answers, and we can show you how it’s done. Plus, all the information will come from us. This means that because we’re not you, there’s a chance she may listen.
Because girls are awesome
Girls are great, and our daughters are smart, confident, and empowered. Based on this, we should never squander the opportunity to get them around women who are also smart, confident and empowered. In these days of vagina hats, #metoo movements, and patriarchy awareness, we could all use some bonding. And some free gifts.
Because we’re full of good advice
Simply put: The ladies of Nixon & Company know things. And to your daughter, we’re hip strangers with cool products who sell amazing clothes. This means we must be cooler than you. Don’t begrudge us this royalty. Instead, use it to your benefit.
Come in, and let us be the ones to tell your daughter she doesn’t have to wash her hair every day. Or that she does still need to wash her hair (we’re talking grease fire). Or that her flat iron techniques could trigger another kind of fire. There are things girls don’t want to hear. Especially from you. But they’ll take it from us. Cause, you know, we’re cool.
Because you deserve it
You are a rock star. You are molding the next generation of women. You’re defining a woman’s worth, and you’re doing it all under constant scrutiny – and through constant eye rolls. You deserve a night out to celebrate your rock star qualities.
So, grab that DD and come on in. Get ideas, get advice, and get each other something special – like these amazing textured bracelets. They’re cool. Trust us. We know.